The midwife came on a Tuesday in November, late in the morning, a few days after we'd brought our daughter home from hospital. I remember the flat white November light on the living-room table, the blood-pressure cuff she took out of her bag, and her questions — lots of them, gentle and precise. How was I sleeping? Was I crying? Did I feel supported? Meanwhile my husband was boiling the kettle in the kitchen, ten feet away. He brought the mugs through, answered a question about our daughter's weight, and saw the midwife to the door. Nobody asked him how he was. Neither did I — not that day, and not in the weeks that followed.
He was fine — as far as I know. But I thought back to that morning years later, reading a line that nobody had mentioned to me across two pregnancies. The NHS overview of postnatal depression states that "research has actually found that up to 1 in 10 new fathers become depressed after having a baby". It's a common illness that is badly recognised — because in men, it doesn't always look like sadness. It can look like a new short fuse, a silence that settles in, or evenings at the office that keep getting longer.
Father's Day falls on Sunday 15 June. Ten years ago, NCT chose Father's Day week to publish research showing that more than 1 in 3 new fathers were worried about their mental health (38%, in a survey of first-time parents). Here is what the evidence says about postnatal depression in dads — how common it is, when it strikes, its often atypical signs — and where to turn, for him and for you.
Postnatal depression in dads: how many fathers are affected?
Roughly one father in ten — that's the figure the serious sources converge on, and it rests on dozens of studies. The most-cited synthesis, Paulson and Bazemore's meta-analysis in JAMA (2010), pooled 43 studies and 28,004 participants. It puts the rate of paternal depression (from the first trimester to the end of the baby's first year) at 10.4%. An update published in 2016 in the Journal of Affective Disorders — 74 studies, 41,480 participants — came to 8.4%.
UK bodies tell the same story. When NHS England announced in December 2018 that partners of new mums with mental illness would get targeted support, it noted that in the first six months after a birth, "estimates put the prevalence rates of anxiety and depression symptoms in men at up to one in 10". NCT goes further. Its guide to postnatal depression in dads and co-parents says the number of men who become depressed in the first year after becoming a dad is double that of the general population. A quarter experience mild depressive symptoms, and around 10% to 12% have a diagnosis of depression.
Why do the numbers range from 8% to 12%? Because it depends on how you measure. The 2016 meta-analysis found that rates varied with the year of publication, the country, the measurement method and whether the mother was depressed too. A large cohort study published in The Lancet Public Health, for instance, assessed fathers only once, two months after the birth, with the Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Scale (a screening questionnaire), and found rates between 4.5% and 5.7% — a snapshot, whereas the meta-analyses pool studies carried out from pregnancy to the end of the first year.
One point is not in dispute — this depression often slips under the radar. NCT notes that "as with postnatal depression in mums, it often goes undiagnosed", and that the symptoms "can look a lot like the everyday stresses of having a newborn". Postnatal care is built around mother and baby (which makes sense: they are the ones leaving hospital with a care plan). Dad, for his part, is mostly there as the one carrying the car seat.
When does depression in new fathers start?
Depression in fathers can begin during pregnancy, then persist or appear in the months after the birth. The studies behind the one-in-ten figure cover the whole stretch from the first trimester to the baby's first birthday — so there is no point at which it's safe to stop paying attention.
The riskiest period comes later than you might expect. NCT puts the peak time for postnatal depression in men at three to six months after the birth. Paulson and Bazemore found the same pattern: the highest rates were recorded between three and six months postpartum (25.6% in the studies that measured that window, with a wide confidence interval of 17.3% to 36.1%). That doesn't mean one father in four is depressed at four months — it points to a window of vulnerability.
The timing makes practical sense, even if no study proves it's the cause. By three to six months, statutory paternity leave (two weeks at most in the UK) has usually been used up, the nights are still short, professional attention is on mother and baby — and dad is back to his normal working week. Nobody asks how he's doing any more. NCT adds one more detail worth knowing: first-time dads appear to be more vulnerable than fathers welcoming later children.
Irritability, anger, withdrawal: the signs of depression in men
In fathers, postnatal depression shows up less often as tears than as irritability — anger, withdrawal, a shorter fuse. NCT lists the ways it can show itself differently from depression in mums (drawing on published research):
- Fear, confusion, helplessness and uncertainty about the future.
- Withdrawal from family life, work and social situations.
- Indecisiveness.
- Frustration, irritability, cynicism and anger.
- Marital conflict — and, at worst, partner violence.
- Alcohol and drug use.
- Insomnia, and physical symptoms such as headaches, indigestion or changes in appetite.
The classic signs of depression still apply. The NHS lists a persistent feeling of sadness and low mood, lack of enjoyment and loss of interest in the wider world, lack of energy, trouble sleeping at night and feeling sleepy during the day, withdrawing from other people, and problems concentrating and making decisions. In a man who isn't used to talking about how he feels, those signs tend to come out differently: "I'm knackered", "everything's winding me up", "leave it, I've got it".
The Royal College of Psychiatrists puts its finger on something many couples miss. In its information on postnatal depression, it tells partners that "if this is a first baby, you may feel pushed to one side, both by the baby and by your partner's needs" — and that fathers can also get depressed after a birth, which may be more likely if the mother has postnatal depression too.
Staying late at work: the sign of paternal depression that looks like dedication
A father who comes home later and later, takes on every urgent project or adds a gym session every evening doesn't look ill. He looks conscientious — which is exactly what makes this sign so hard to read. NCT lists "withdrawal from family life, work and social situations" among the ways depression shows itself in dads, and withdrawing from family life doesn't always mean lying on the sofa. Sometimes it simply means not being there.
The evidence here is thinner than for other symptoms, and it's worth saying so. In her 2016 review of the book Sad Dad for the BJPsych Bulletin, perinatal psychiatrist Floriana Coccia describes psychotherapists reporting that "avoidance of the home by working long hours, alcohol use and risky behaviours" are more common in depressed men. She also questions whether impressions drawn from their own patients can be generalised. In other words: a clinical observation worth knowing, not an established finding.
Home, in the early months, concentrates everything that is hard — crying you can't soothe, exhaustion, the sense of being less useful than the baby's mother, sometimes tension between you. Work offers clear tasks, visible results and adults who sleep at night. For a man who feels overwhelmed, retreating there can feel like a solution (at least in the moment). That's my interpretation, not a research result, but it helps to see those extra hours as something other than selfishness.
How do you tell the difference from a real overload at work? Three questions help. Has his routine changed since the birth, with no obvious work reason? Are the moments he misses always the same ones (bath time, bedtime, nights)? And does any of it still give him pleasure? A man who runs three times a week because he loves it is probably fine. A man who runs every evening and comes back as flat as he left deserves a different conversation.
Screens can play the same role without him leaving the flat — the video game that stretches to 2am, the phone out all through dinner, the series watched alone while the baby cries in the next room. The effect is the same: present in body, absent in every other way.
Exhaustion, aches, alcohol: when depression shows up in the body
Postnatal depression in fathers often speaks through the body before it finds words. NCT lists physical symptoms such as indigestion, changes in appetite and weight, headaches, toothaches and nausea — alongside insomnia, and alcohol and drug use.
That's the trap — a new parent is tired by definition. He sleeps badly, his back aches from rocking, he forgets his keys. To tell depression from ordinary exhaustion, look at duration, sleep and pleasure. Duration first (a fortnight or more, nearly every day). Sleep second — the NHS describes trouble sleeping at night and feeling sleepy during the day, whereas a parent who is simply worn out drops off the moment the baby allows it. Pleasure last: tiredness doesn't stop you laughing at something silly — depression does.
Alcohol deserves particular attention. A beer in the evening "to unwind" seems harmless — and often is. It becomes a warning sign when drinking rises clearly compared with before the birth, when it becomes daily, or when it's there to "get through". In a depressed father, it isn't a lifestyle detail — it's a possible symptom.
Which dads are most at risk of postnatal depression?
Any father can be affected — but some circumstances raise the risk. NCT's summary of the research points to:
- Being under 25.
- A history of depression and anxiety.
- Financial pressures.
- No longer being in a relationship with the child's mother.
- Sleep or crying problems with the baby.
- Drug misuse or dependence.
- Feeling unsupported by their partner.
NCT is careful to add that the relationship between these factors is unclear (they may not be direct causes). One link is solid, though: when one parent is struggling, the other is more likely to be too. According to NCT, a quarter to half of fathers with depressed partners may experience depression themselves, and Paulson and Bazemore found a moderate positive correlation between paternal and maternal depression (r = 0.31, for the statistically minded).
The birth itself can leave a mark. In NCT's 2015 release, Mark Williams, founder of Dads Matter UK, described how his mental health suffered after he became a dad: "I suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder after seeing my wife's distressing birth." An emergency caesarean (our guide to planned and emergency C-sections walks through what happens), a haemorrhage, a transfer to the neonatal unit — watched from a corner of the room, powerless, these scenes can stay with the person who didn't give birth.
Then there's the feeling of being sidelined. In the first weeks, attention is focused on mother and baby — and rightly so. But a father who feels surplus to requirements, who doesn't dare pick up his baby because he does it "less well", can shut himself away with his guilt. Mothers know that gap between the bond you expect and the bond you feel, too: it's the whole subject of our article on whether maternal instinct really exists.
Does paternity leave protect fathers from depression?
Paternity leave is associated with a lower risk of depression in fathers, according to a large French study. Published in The Lancet Public Health in 2023, the ELFE cohort study by Barry and colleagues included nearly 11,000 fathers whose children were born in 2011, and measured depression two months after the birth with the Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Scale. The rate was 4.5% among fathers who had taken paternity leave, 4.8% among those who intended to — and 5.7% among those who hadn't taken it.
The leave studied was two weeks (which happens to be the maximum UK fathers are entitled to by law). The findings for mothers were less reassuring: 16.1% of mothers whose partner took leave had postnatal depression, against 15.3% where he didn't. The authors suggest that offering only two weeks might place mothers at greater risk, and that the best length and timing of leave need further research. These are associations — not proof of cause and effect.
In the UK, the government's guide to Statutory Paternity Pay and Leave sets out the rules. Eligible employees can take one or two weeks' leave; for babies due after 6 April 2024, the two weeks can be taken together or separately, and must be finished within 52 weeks of the birth. Statutory Paternity Pay is £187.18 a week or 90% of average weekly earnings, whichever is lower. Some employers offer more, and Shared Parental Leave can extend the time available. The end of leave often coincides with another big decision (choosing between a nursery, a childminder or a nanny), so that tipping point is worth planning together.
How to raise postnatal depression with your partner
The best way in starts from what you've noticed, not from a diagnosis. "You're depressed" tends to shut the door; "you've seemed exhausted and on edge for a few weeks, and I'm worried about you" opens it a crack. Pick a calm moment (not at midnight after a broken night, not halfway through a row about the washing). Give him time to answer, even if the first answer is "I'm fine".
The Royal College of Psychiatrists' advice on supporting someone with postnatal depression works both ways. Be mindful of the language you use — this is "an illness, not something someone can 'snap out of'". Listen, offer encouragement, help with the practical things, and encourage him to get help. NCT's advice to dads is simple: if you have concerns about your own or your partner's mental health, seek help from your GP. Offering to book the appointment, go with him or take the baby while he goes removes some very real obstacles.
There is also an NHS commitment worth knowing about. In 2018, NHS England announced that partners of pregnant women and new mothers who are themselves unwell would be "automatically offered a comprehensive mental health assessment and sign-posted to professional support if needed". If you're under a perinatal mental health team yourself, ask what they can offer your partner.
If he won't talk, don't turn every evening into an interrogation. Come back to it a few days later, and leave something within reach that he can read on his own — NCT's page on dads also signposts communities and talking groups for fathers. Some men find it easier to read than to talk.
Where to get help for a struggling dad in the UK
Postnatal depression in fathers is treatable — and the ways in are much the same as for mothers. So are the treatments, NCT notes: talking therapies and/or medication, with relationship counselling sometimes useful as well. The GP is usually the simplest first step (they can assess how he's doing, discuss treatment and refer him on).
He doesn't have to go through the GP, though. NHS talking therapies for anxiety and depression are free, and you can refer yourself directly without a GP referral — in person, by video, over the phone or as an online course. You don't need a diagnosed mental health problem to self-refer. NCT also points to the NHS's online depression and anxiety self-assessment, and to NHS 111, for fathers unsure where they stand.
Beyond the NHS, NCT's support line (0300 330 0700) covers the emotional side of early parenthood, and NCT signposts organisations for men including CALM (the Campaign Against Living Miserably), ANDYSMANCLUB talking groups and the DadsNet community. PANDAS and the Association for Post Natal Illness (APNI) are listed by the NHS as useful sources of help and advice.
Treating dad: what it changes for the baby and the couple
Treating a father's depression protects the whole family — not just him. NHS England's good practice guide on involving partners in perinatal mental health care puts it plainly: "Depressed fathers (like depressed mothers) are less likely to interact with their babies in an engaged way, which can contribute to poorer child development outcomes." NCT adds that depressed dads may play and engage less with their children, sing and read to them less, and discipline them more harshly.
For the couple, the stakes are very concrete. Unrecognised depression is easily read as indifference, laziness or falling out of love. She feels alone with the baby; he feels judged and withdraws further; each confirms the other's fears without meaning to. Naming what's going on doesn't fix everything. But it changes the question — from "why won't he do anything?" to "how do we help him get better?"
The same NHS England guide notes that the couple relationship is more likely to deteriorate if both parents are ill — one more reason not to wait for things to sort themselves out.
Postnatal depression in both parents: what if you're both struggling?
Two parents depressed at the same time — it's neither rare nor a failure. The NHS says postnatal depression affects more than 1 in 10 women within a year of giving birth, and the research above shows how often one parent's depression travels with the other's. NHS England's guide adds that partners' own mental health difficulties are more likely when the mother has a moderate to severe perinatal mental health problem. If you're reading this with your partner in mind — take a minute for yourself, too.
Your own recovery matters: sleep, healing after the birth, pelvic floor rehabilitation after childbirth, the return to work. The baby blues of the first days are common and don't last more than two weeks (how to tell the baby blues from postnatal depression); if low mood lasts longer or starts later, the NHS advises speaking to a GP, midwife or health visitor. Two struggling parents can't treat each other. Each of you needs your own point of contact (and sometimes a shared space to talk again).
In practice, that might mean a GP appointment each, a self-referral to NHS talking therapies, or leaning on family and friends for a few hours' respite. There's no hierarchy of suffering — his doesn't come after yours, and yours doesn't come after his.
Frequently asked questions
Can dads get the baby blues?
The NHS describes the baby blues in women: feeling a bit down, tearful or anxious in the first week after giving birth, for no more than two weeks. For fathers, the NHS and NCT talk directly about depression. A dad can of course go through a few days of intense emotion. What should prompt action is low mood nearly every day for more than two weeks.
How long does postnatal depression last?
Unlike the baby blues, postnatal depression can persist for months if left untreated, and in a minority of cases it becomes a long-term problem, according to the NHS. The good news: with the right support, most people make a full recovery. There is no "normal" length of time to wait before seeking help.
Can men get depressed during their partner's pregnancy?
Yes. The meta-analyses cover the period from the first trimester onwards, and NCT notes that the effects on children are stronger when a father has antenatal as well as postnatal depression. Fathers and partners can take unpaid time off to attend two antenatal appointments, according to GOV.UK — a chance to raise their own worries as well as the baby's progress.
My partner won't see anyone. What can I do?
Keep the door open without forcing it. Come back to the subject at a calm moment, start from things you've observed, and offer to book the appointment or go with him. You can also talk through your worries with your own GP, midwife or health visitor. If there is any risk to life, call 999 or go to A&E without waiting for his agreement.
How much paternity leave and pay do dads get in the UK?
Eligible employees can take one or two weeks of Statutory Paternity Leave. For babies due after 6 April 2024, the weeks can be taken together or separately, within 52 weeks of the birth. Statutory Paternity Pay is £187.18 a week or 90% of average weekly earnings, whichever is lower, according to GOV.UK.
Do you need a GP referral for NHS talking therapies?
No. You can refer yourself directly to an NHS talking therapies service, or a GP can refer you. The service is free, and you don't need a diagnosed mental health problem to use it.
Does postnatal depression affect co-parents in same-sex couples?
Most research to date has been done with fathers. NCT is clear, though, that while it often refers to dads, what it describes can apply to all types of partners. The routes to help listed here (GP, NHS talking therapies, Samaritans) are open to every parent.
Sources
- NHS — Overview: postnatal depression
- NHS — NHS talking therapies for anxiety and depression
- NHS England — Involving and supporting partners in specialist perinatal mental health services: good practice guide
- NHS Long Term Plan — Partners of new mums with mental illness set to get targeted support (3 December 2018)
- NCT — Postnatal depression in dads and co-parents: 10 things you should know
- NCT — Dads in distress: many new fathers are worried about their mental health (17 June 2015)
- Royal College of Psychiatrists — Postnatal depression
- GOV.UK — Statutory Paternity Pay and Leave: employer guide
- GOV.UK — Paternity pay and leave: leave
- Samaritans — Contact a Samaritan
- Paulson and Bazemore — Prenatal and postpartum depression in fathers (JAMA, 2010)
- Barry et al. — Paternity leave uptake and parental post-partum depression (The Lancet Public Health, 2023)
- Coccia — Sad Dad: An Exploration of Postnatal Depression in Fathers, book review (BJPsych Bulletin, 2016)